My brain says no but my pants say off.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
