I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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