tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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