omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
