he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
