Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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