He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
