Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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