Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize