everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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