I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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