his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
