yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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