Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
