id be glad to
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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