The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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