check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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