so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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