I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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