Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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