That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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