I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize