R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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