is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
