it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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