You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
