with your own penis?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
