Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
