so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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