do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
