When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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