Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
