so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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