but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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