Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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