You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
