Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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