i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
