So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
