my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
