i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
