im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
did i walk over a car last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
