Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
