new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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