I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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