I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
