come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
