I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
