I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
