Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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