It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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